Bisi (not her real name) was a 21-year-old final year Law student when she was first diagnosed as suffering from severe depression. Her friends noticed that she was no longer showing up for classes and she was neither picking her calls nor responding to messages. Eventually her friends went to look for her at her off-campus accommodation and were shocked to find her in bed, looking weak and untidy. What is wrong with you Bisi? Do you have a fever? An infection? Why did’nt you call us? Have you gone to hospital? They all fired questions at her, while checking her body for a high fever and crowding around her bed. Bisi simply burst into tears and started weeping uncontrollably. She did not have a fever and did not understand what was wrong herself. She just felt tired all the time.
She told herself she needed to get up and go to the hospital, but it was just too much trouble to get out of bed. All the time her phone rang, she simply looked at the phone but was not inclined to pick it. It was as if she was detached and watching everything in slow motion from outside. She just could not help herself and simply felt overwhelmed. She was sad, miserable and in severe emotional pain. Sometimes, she just wished she could just sleep and not wake up again. ‘Maybe then, I will eventually find peace and this heavy sadness will stop.’ She thought to herself.
Luckily for her, she had a very closely-knit group of friends who intervened and immediately called her parents and then took her to the University Clinic. She was subsequently diagnosed as having severe depression with suicidal thoughts and referred to the psychiatrist. She was admitted into the Teaching Hospital and treated with medications and psychotherapy. She gradually came out of it and was discharged home after 5 weeks on admission. She was grateful to her family and friends for their concern, unwavering support and for rallying around her. Luckily for her, there was an ASUU strike during the period of her admission and she was able to recuperate and return back to her studies without missing academic work. She graduated with a second class upper and then proceeded to Law school where she also excelled.
She became an advocate of mental health awareness and gained valuable insight into how very easily anyone could suffer from a mental disorder. She is now more acutely aware of her emotions and is also very sensitive and caring towards others. She has a thriving law practice now (in partnership with 3 other colleagues) and is married with children. She has never had another episode of depression since that index case, but she is aware that it may recur and has educated herself about the signs and symptoms of depression. Her husband and friends since Law School are still very close and they make sure that they all take time out from time to time to go for simple but relaxing outings. She tries her very best to avoid stress and to always ensure that she maintains her emotional tranquility.
One very important lesson that stuck with her from her days in therapy is the phrase: “No one owes you a duty to make you happy, that is your personal responsibility to yourself”. Another phrase that have become like her personal mantra is that “You have absolutely no control over how other people will treat you; but you do have control over how you react, and how you allow it impact on your emotional wellbeing”. So, colleagues and friends often marvel at how she remains unperturbed when someone is especially rude to her for instance, but she simply smiles and walks away. Or she apologizes for upsetting the individual and then takes her leave, without getting worked upover the incident.
Bisi is now a champion for raising mental health awareness andtackling the stigma and discrimination against mental illness. And she never shies away from admitting that she had been treated for depression before, but that she recovered and is doing great. She also counsels, that everyone should seek professional help when necessary. She is unashamed about her previous mental health challenge and believes there should be no more shame or stigma associated with a mental disorder – just as there is none for having physical disorders. Her parents, husband and friends are very proud of her, for her pragmatic approach and for being such an inspirational role model.
Post script: Mental illness is not a spiritual or mysterious illness that one should be ashamed of. It is treatable and affected persons do recover and go on to live normal and very fulfilling lives. But as seen in the case of Bisi above, social support from friends and family is always very useful. Indeed, we all need someone in our corner, as human beings, with or without mental illness, as we navigate through life’s uncertainties.
JIBRIL ABDULMALIK
Tribune Article for the column “Your Mental Health & You”
Thursday, 2nd December 2021
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