Tayo is a 13 years old JSS 3 student who has always been very aggressive since early childhood.
He would kick, punch and bite anyone that refused to allow him to have his way. Very easily,
other children would give in and let him have their toys or snacks, but he grew worse over time.
He fought and bullied his peers and juniors and his instantaneous reaction to any real or
perceived slight was to rain blows on whoever it was.
His parents often traded blame for his bad behavior but were frequently clueless about what to
do. His mother would openly cry and lament her frustrations whenever he fought outside or was
reported from school. His mother appealed to him to stop disgracing her and the family name,
but her appeals consistently fell on deaf ears. Until he was expelled for possessing and selling
drugs in school.
Discussion
Aggression starts early in life, from early moments when a child doesn’t get what he/she wants
or when denied of something by their parents. Sometimes they get so angry and may utter angry
words such as “I hate you” out of frustration. They are simply lashing out and wanting to hurt
their parents for not allowing them to enjoy what they want at that time. Children according to
their developmental ages, want instant gratification of their wishes and the concept of delayed
gratification is alien to them. Yet delayed gratification is a concept they must learn and imbibe to
succeed in life.
Oftentimes, such aggressive tendencies are met with stronger versions of aggressive behaviors
from adults – such as slaps or corporal punishment. Thus, they are cowed into submission, but
the lesson learnt is that might is right and that the stronger person/adult has his or her way. Thus,
they are socialized into aggressive behavior patterns as the only conflict resolution strategy.
What are the Causes of Childhood Aggression?
Aggression during early childhood is a normal part of the growing process but it could also be a
sign of an underlying psychological issue when it is persistent and problematic. Such children
may be mirroring behavior they see all around them – at home and in school or the community.
For instance, a psychologist observed in a study, that aggression is like a contagious disease, as
children with initially low levels of aggressive behaviors, became more aggressive when placed
in an environment with highly aggressive children over time.
Children with aggressive behaviors may also be trying to hurt others because they are
emotionally traumatized and hurting, eg from child abuse or neglect. And they may have
behavioral problems such as conduct disorder that require treatment. Lastly, they may have
flaws such as failing to read and understand the motives of other children properly (attribution
error), they may be poor communicators or be socially awkward such that they lash out in anger
and frustration, etc.
It is of utmost importance for parents to intervene early when children struggle with high levels
of aggressive behaviors, and reach out to the necessary professionals for assistance if needed.
What Are the Signs to Watch Out For?
The common sign of aggression in children includes: Throwing temper tantrums; destroying and
smashing things when upset; controlling behavior using threats or violence; biting another
person when upset; regularly making fun of other children to make them feel bad; excluding
certain kids in play activities; significant difficulty calming down when upset; ignoring someone
on purpose; hitting another person or an object, when angry; regular fights – with or without
weapons; frustrations and difficulties communicating when they are upset or emotionally hurt;
frequent tendency to lash out in retaliation for real or perceived slights etc.
Please note that nearly all children will exhibit one or more of these signs at some point. It is
when they consistently exhibit many of these signs that we should get worried and re-strategize
our engagement with the child, with a view to re-directing them.
What can parents and Teachers do about aggressive children?
Children work best with structure and order. Parents should establish very early, that some things
are unacceptable and consistently correct such behaviors. Discipline must not be compromised,
rewards should be used to encourage good behavior while withdrawal of privileges should
discourage unwelcome behaviors.
Stay calm and explain to them why certain behaviors are inappropriate. If you lose your cool
and become emotional and very upset, you are providing a model of behavior for them to
emulate – albeit an unintended one. Help them to reason about motives and attributions and then
gently re-direct them by providing alternate explanations to them for the same scenario that has
angered them.
Try to improve their communication, negotiation, and problem-solving skills (conflict resolution).
And if the problems persist, parents may benefit from parental management training and the
child should see a mental health professional for expert evaluation.
Dr Jibril Abdulmalik
Tribune Article for the column “Your Mental Health & You”
Thursday, 25th May 2023
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