When Tunde was laid off from his job at a thriving tech company in Lagos, it felt like his
world had crumbled. The financial pressures, coupled with the societal expectations to
“always succeed,” weighed heavily on him. He started feeling anxious, doubting his self-
worth, and isolating himself from friends and family. Tunde’s story isn’t new. Many
Nigerians face similar struggles when life doesn’t go as planned. But what if Tunde’s
experience wasn’t just a setback, but a crucial part of his journey to something greater?
Indeed, he eventually secured an even better job and flourished after 2 years of tough
hardship.
Failure can be a tough pill to swallow, especially in a society that often equates success with
one’s value. But what if we could understand that failure, far from being a setback, is a
crucial ingredient for success? The lives of many renowned individuals, including the likes of
J.K. Rowling, serve as powerful reminders that failure is not just inevitable but valuable.
Rowling’s rise to fame with the Harry Potter series was preceded by a string of personal and
professional failures, including a difficult marriage and financial hardship. Yet, she
acknowledges that these failures were the very experiences that taught her resilience and
discipline, paving the way for her success.
In education, too, failure plays a pivotal role. A study from Teachers College at Columbia
University found that students who learned about the struggles of scientists performed better
in math and science. This finding underscores the importance of normalizing failure, helping
students see challenges as part of the learning process rather than as a reflection of their
intelligence. However, in many academic and professional settings, failure is still
stigmatized.
Breaking down the taboos around failure is crucial for mental health. A growing movement
encourages individuals to share their “CVs of failures” online, recognizing that open
discussions about setbacks are essential for personal and professional development. Many
historical figures such as Albert Einstein and Oprah Winfrey faced significant failures before
achieving monumental success. Their stories remind us that failure is not the end. It can be a
powerful tool for mental growth and resilience.
- Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity
In our quest for success, it’s easy to forget that failure is often the best teacher. Just like the
process of refining gold, our experiences, both good and bad, shape us into better versions of
ourselves. The key is to view failure as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block. Ask
yourself: What did I learn from this experience? How can I apply these lessons to future
challenges? - Don’t Isolate Yourself
One of the biggest mistakes people make when facing failure is retreating into themselves.
Tunde, for instance, felt ashamed and cut off communication with those who could have
supported him. But staying connected with friends, family, or even a support group is crucial.
Sharing your experiences and emotions with others can provide new perspectives and much-
needed encouragement. You’re not alone. Others have been where you are and can help you
through it. - Practice Self-Compassion
In Nigerian culture, there’s often a strong emphasis on being tough and resilient…to hustle.
While resilience is important, it’s equally vital to be kind to yourself during tough times.
Instead of harshly criticizing yourself for not meeting certain expectations, try to speak to
yourself as you would to a friend in the same situation. Acknowledge your efforts, recognize
that it’s okay to struggle, and give yourself permission to rest and heal. - Set Realistic Goals
After a failure, it’s tempting to set high goals to prove to yourself and others that you can
succeed. However, it’s more beneficial to set small, achievable goals that can gradually build
your confidence back up. Celebrate each small victory as it comes, and over time, you’ll find
that these small steps have led to significant progress. - Seek Professional Help if Needed
If the weight of setbacks and failure becomes too heavy to bear, it may be time to seek
professional help. A mental health professional can provide helpful strategies. In Nigeria,
where mental health issues are often stigmatized, seeking help is a brave and important step
towards recovery and you can reach out to the Asido Foundation’s helpline at
+2349028080416 for psychological first aid.
In the end, failure is not a reflection of our worth but a natural part of our journey. Just like
Tunde eventually found a new job, your current setbacks can pave the way for future success.
It is about shifting your mindset from seeing failure as the end of the road to seeing it as a
detour—a chance to discover new paths and opportunities. Embrace failure, learn from it, and
allow it to strengthen you. In the journey of life, it’s not about how many times you fall, but
how many times you get back up and keep moving forward.
Dr Jibril Abdulmalik
Tribune Article for the column “Your Mental Health & You”
Thursday, 22nd August 2024
Asido Foundation
www.asidofoundation.com
Asivuri Consulting
www.asivuri.com
