Amirah, a 25-year-old woman from Kaduna, has been battling feelings of loneliness for several
months. She recently moved to Lagos because she got a job as an assistant executive producer in
a big movie production company. This was the first time she would be away from her family for
this long. Although she has her dream job and enjoys what she does, she cannot shake the
constant feelings of loneliness. Her co-workers have also been very friendly to her, especially
Bolanle, who consistently came over with a smile and always invited her to join some outings.
No matter what, Amirah just constantly felt lonely.
She has started to feel constant fatigue and stress, and the job she usually enjoys so much, now
feels like a burden. Eventually, she warmed up to Bolanle and things began to feel better as she
developed a bond of friendship with her and started exploring some fun places around Lagos.
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a universal human feeling that is nuanced and unique to each person. It is an
adverse emotional reaction to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also known as social pain, a
psychological mechanism that drives people to seek social interactions. It is frequently linked to
an unwelcome lack of connection and intimacy.
Indeed, loneliness does not always imply being physically alone. You can be surrounded by
people and still feel very lonely and isolated. And this can negatively affect your mental state.
Various reasons can cause loneliness. It can be attributed to internal factors such as low self-
esteem lack of self-confidence, and an assumption that that they are undeserving of other
people’s attention or regard, leading to isolation and chronic loneliness. Personality traits could
also play an impact. Introverts, for example, maybe less prone to develop and seek social
interactions, which can contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Furthermore, loneliness can be acutely triggered when we move to a new school, new job or city
or a new country. The elderly, especially when they lose their spouse and long-term partner, are
also at increased risk of loneliness.
Loneliness may not be a bad thing in and of itself since many individuals experience it from time
to time. However, problems can occur when feelings of loneliness become chronic. This means
that a person constantly feels alone or isolated for long periods. It is at this point that it begins to
threaten our emotional wellbeing.
Loneliness and our emotional wellbeing
Loneliness can have an adverse impact on your mental health, especially if it lasts for a long
time. According to some studies, loneliness is related to an increased risk of certain mental
health disorders such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep problems, stress, and
antisocial behaviour. It also causes some persons to turn to alcohol and drug misuse, or hang out
with any crowd, even if they know it is the wrong crowd….just to avoid being lonely. Indeed, in studies conducted among survivors of suicidal attempts, overwhelming feelings of loneliness (no
one really understands me) is a recurring factor in most of the stories.
How to Cope with Loneliness
Strengthen existing relationships: Many lonely persons may be surrounded by loved ones. Do not
alienate and withdraw from friends and family. Be intentional about reaching out to friends and
family with whom you are comfortable. And even if you are not so comfortable, sometimes, all
you need to do is to simply break the ice and things get better from there onwards. The more
time you spend with the people you care about, the more you will realize that you are not alone.
Self-care is essential: When you’re feeling lonely, make sure you’re taking care of yourself in
other ways. Self-care is always a good idea, but it’s essential when you’re feeling down. In the
long run, eating nutritious foods, exercising, and getting adequate sleep may help to make you
feel better.
Join a social group: Joining a class or a group, whether it’s a social club, a religious group, an
exercise class, or a book club, inevitably exposes you to people who share at least one of your
interests. Being surrounded by people who share your interests can help you feel less lonely.
Instead of simply scrolling through social media, join one or two groups and become active and
cultivate relationships.
Be the ray of sunshine for others: Be kind and nice to others. Show an interest in getting to know
your classmates, colleague at work, new neighbour etc. Offer a smile and a kind word. You may
be the only ray of sunshine in their otherwise gloomy and lonely day/life.
Conclusion: We are social beings and social interactions are critical for our sustained wellbeing.
Let us prioritize and be intentional about cultivating and nurturing it.
Dr Jibril Abdulmalik
Tribune Article for the column “Your Mental Health & You”
Thursday, 14th December 2023
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